Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
