You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
