I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
sex in a hospital.. check
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
