I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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