I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
