I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
