he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
