I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
