All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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