Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
