When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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