I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize