He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
