Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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