I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
