i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
