cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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