Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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