At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize