Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
