if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
