wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
