i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
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