ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He? As in you personified your dick?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
