Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
