This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
