He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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