I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
