just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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