The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
