i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
this just has baby written all over it
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
