did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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