Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
