why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
