My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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