I'd wear matching sweaters with you
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
