Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
