i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How external is "for external use only"?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize