found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
