i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
