In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
