It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
