Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
