so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
