I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
be right there i have to get my cape
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Your penis caused this!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
