and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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