I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
