Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
