I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize