im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
