I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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