if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
