You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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