She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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