I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
