this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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