cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
