My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
