Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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