she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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