How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i think my mom watched the whole time
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
