I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
where does the pee come out of this thing
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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