if you like me you must not know who I am
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
