Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
