We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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