bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
