is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
