Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
