I want to stick my p in your. b.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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